If not now

I was just sitting with a friend at Starbucks.  We were talking about music, football and what it is like to obey God in everything.  I told him that I was reading a book about William Muller again and how that guy's life challenges me.  Muller (I don't know how to make the German "u") was completely dependent on God is ways that I cannot even fathom.  As we were talking about this, the truth came out.  My friend said, "I don't know that I want that."  How many of us live here?

We want our God to be the One True God.  We want Him to save us and clean us up, but the whole "I'll-live-as-you-command"...no thank you.  It has been funny for me the past few months as I have told people our journey so far.  A few people have been encouraged by the faith we have acted on, but follow it with "you are so young."  We were at a mission's conference where the speaker did a great job telling of the meaning of serving Christ with you life.  Again, he talked about waiting until later in life to do this.  I know that I am naive plenty of times, but why wait?  Why should we spend time drifting when we could have focus?  Why should we half trust God today and then fully when we are older?  Who guaranteed we would get older?

I have a lot of questions of myself.  I want to be rid of all theoretical belief and practice everything I sing of on a Sunday.  I want to rest in Him, but I also want to run hard towards what He has.  For whatever reason the thought of waiting until next year since we are almost finished with this year is so alluring.  The truth is if I don't live completely dependent on Him now, why do I think I might later?  If I don't push all my chips in by faith today, how would it be easier tomorrow?  If not now, then when?