If it doesn't work out...

I have heard many sentences begin with those words in my life.  I heard it from friends when Nikki and I got married at 20.  I heard it when I became a pastor, continued being a pastor beyond the certain amount of time that would make it a phase, and now that we started Eyes That See.  The words are always meant as some odd sort of comfort, but they seem to be dooming the hearer to failure.  They seem to say that at least you have something to fall back on.  They affirm that you haven't put everything into one basket, but instead you have wisely diversified your life enough to not be ruined if this one this doesn't work out.  I remember one time in particular where the phrase caught me so off guard that I couldn't even respond.  I didn't know that "it" not working out was an option.

I intend to live completely by faith.  I want to be wise in my decisions, yet dependent in everything.  I want to know that God's word is true when it says that you can "Taste and see that God is good."  I want to live by faith, not in theory, but in practice.  I want to "Seek first the Kingdom" and continue to know the joy of having everything else added to our lives.

If this living by faith thing doesn't work out, I want to have nothing to fall back on.  I intend to be completely ruined if God is not God.  I don't want a back up plan.  I don't want to be diversified.  I know there are plenty of people who will think that it is foolish to say these things, but I'm not supposed to match plenty of people.  I intend to match my Father. All I have is invested in that.  If it doesn't work out...I will have nothing.